I can live inside my head.

Like and apple hanging from a tree, i picked the ripest one, i still got the seed

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 21:36:59 GMT

This is for Tyler. :)
(and some of my thoughts..haha)

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler.

Where to start?

There are three things that i am absoultely sure about Tyler;

i) He's one of my favourite people

ii) He's been my friend for like 4-5 years

and iii) He really really doesnt like low V-neck shirts.

I dont know what else to say other than I love you and i wish i texted you more today but i left my phone on my desk at home while i was at school. Speaking of school, i saw my school performance of 'Les Miserables', or their adapted version anyways. It was pretty good, and i was mildly jealous of the people in the play. I wish i could act and sing, it'd be awsome. I have no talent haha, it's rather pathetic. My head hurts alot along with my whole body but i dont want to move. I'm so sleepy and i could just sleep all day. Yes.

I was just watching some cartoon that i can't recall right now. Like literally, i can't recall any of it. I was in a stage right inbetween falling asleep and not sleeping. It was strange,

But i'm growing rather thirsty.

Another time, LiveJournal.

..

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 01:48:54 GMT

its been a very long time since i've written. let me recap everything thats happened;

-ive gained weight

-changed my hair

-lost weight

-failed a huge exam

-gained a job

-started smoking like a chimney

-started drinking alot more

-smoked more weed

-got more melancholy

-fell in love

thats about it. i decided this year im doing all that i can to make it into the fashion industry. i figured theres nothing standing in my way to becoming the new marc jacobs, all i need is time, money, and focus. i recently designed some costumes for my school play. im so excited to start fashion class in a few months. but lately ive been feeling like theres a huge hole inside of me. i want love. or just someone to be there for me and love me for who i am. not like, marriage or anything. at least right now. i think i may have found someone who can give me that. but idk how its working right now, nothings really being done about it. im scared of him not liking me. or thinking im ugly or some shit like that. idk what to think of that just now.

but uhh yeahhh.

my grandpa is losing his memory. and it sucks because were so close. and now im afraid he'll forget me.

rant. rant. rant.

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:39:11 GMT

so basically, this is a rant, as if my subject didn't give you an idea.

This is my list of things i hate:

- how fucking weird looking i am
- how i can never fit to typical "hot" standards
- how i look rediculous with any shorter hair than i have now
- how i cant lose weight no matter how hard i try
- how im fucking insane and insecure
- i hate my fucking nose too

im making it my life mission to prove all of these goals wrong within the next year. and maybe a nose job.
i wanna be one of those guys you see at pride who are fucking so fine as hell.
but im the lanky indie kid who no-one but fuck ups and crack heads likes.
i serously hate this.
im going to work out like crazy from now on.
im not going to eat a single carb until i reach 100lbs.
im not going to listen to anyone who will try to stop me.
i hate this
i hate this

i want better hair. i want better skin i want new clothes. i want to be acknowledged. i dont wanna be a scrawny piece of shit no more. i want more than this. i want a boy who i will love unconditionally and who will love me back. i dont want to be a booty call anymore. i hate this. i hate this.

im seriously ging fucking insane, this will most likely be the death of me.

fuck man.

i wont get any new clothes or even get ready until i get a better body, better skin, and nicer hair.
i sound so fucking shallow right now, but i dont give a shit, this is eating me up inside.
my mother always tought me to be myself and not something im not.

well i just dont care.

i will do this.
i'll get a good body even if it kills me.

awh yeah

Wed, 21 May 2008 13:43:27 GMT

Second day in a row!

I only have time for this because i'm not at school. i woke up with a shitty headache/cold and im super tired and my whole body hurts.
And because i can't really move that much due to exhaustion and being all sore and junk, i began thinking..
so i realised everythings just really shitty in general. im pretty much in love with this boy who's dating one of my friends, and it's soooo ridiculous because i'm all like "AAAHH MOFUCKA D8 ME D8 ME!" but obviously i've never screamed anything of the sort out loud.

OH YEAH and so i log onto livejournal and msn, low and behold, my ex added me on both and im like what the hell? I'm pretty sure he has a boyfriend but idk, whenever im like 108% over him he like comes back into my life and im like woah man what is this vicious cycle?

i might not make much sense right now, im pretty tired and ive had alot of medicine. and i just woke up. yeah, so far, not a good day.
i dont know what to do with myself right now, but i want to keep on writing so i don't drive myself insane with all my stupid thoughts.
..............................
..............................
...............................

.... ACTUAALLLYYY i'm gunna end my post here, even though i just completely contradicted myself. i think..

but yes, i will post again today.
"when will you post again mykul?" you might be asking, well i dont really know yet so calm the fuck down.

LUVV YOUUUUU!

Odd.

Wed, 21 May 2008 02:09:41 GMT

I made a commitment to this but i havent posted in like a million years. But then again, Tyler's the only person who reads this, so it's like i'm talking to him right now.

Dear Tyler Jellison,
After reading like all of your recent posts, it has inspired me to write some of my own, and to possibly get more friends on here so i can share my life with the entire world. I really wish we talked more, and i really want to see you. WE HAVE TO THIS SUMMER OF IMMA FLIP.

yeah, so i'm really tired and bored, so im going to recap my entire life since i last posted.

Became a hermit
Did tons of schoolwork
Got a blood test
Became more social
Hunted for a boyfriend
Realised how i'm lacking in the networking-ish-friends-who can help me meet boys
Became really sad
Got into a HUGE family fight with my relatives in England, however that works
Started Exercising like crazy
Went on a really stupid diet
Wanted to die
Bounced back
Drank wayyy too much
Decided i like myself the way i am
Got a huge zit on my nose
Got sick
Wanted to die
Went on the computer
Logged onto LiveJournal

and here i am.
so pretty much i feel so dumb because my grades are slipping like crazy and im stressing so bad for exams. i already failed civics which im taking next year again, but i dont want to fail another class. Art class is also slipping, which is suprising because ive never got under a 90% on ANYTHING we've done. whatever. I just pretty much give up on life. I have the worst head ache, im getting hot flashes (metopause maybe?) and i really want to curl up and sleep for the next 2 months.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh by the way Tyler (i know you're reading this because you go on here like errday) COME TO WATERDOWN IN THE SUMMER! or i'll go to Oakville when you're there. Because we've known eachother for like 4 years, and i feel really bad we havent talked alot recently. But yeah, crazy shits been going down and its really bad but yeah so we need to talk more.

but yeah.

im posting way too much at once, i'm suprised if Tyler actually reads all this. Or anyone for that matter. If they/he did/do, then KUDOS to you my friend, i will now suck your dick in appreciation. Or suck on yor vag, whatever.

i'm joking. kind of.

LUVVV MYKEEEEEE!

soooooo

Sun, 03 Feb 2008 05:00:06 GMT

I havent actually written one of these in forevvverrrrrrrr but yeah

soo

Lots and Lots has been happening lately, buuuutttt im too lazy right now to type it all. Juss dumb drama, whatever.

but yeah so i was talking to Tyler and i was all like 'wow i have an LJ account ive been neglecting'..
so this is what i did today (in Chronological order);
- i woke up
- i went on the computer
- i showered and then got ready
- then i went to the opticians
- got contacts
- panicked because we were late and sarah was coming over
- then found out shes at the mall
- then waited for her to come over
- then we hungout
- then ate dinner
- then britt came over
- then we went to blockbuster after britt left
- then we watched 'wedding daze'
[its a play on words ;) ]

- then we talked for a while
- and now we're watching south park
...... and i'm thinking im gunna make a move on her ;)

but yeah.
thats all i really have to say
that, and there was an evil bitch on some commercial who led us to believe she was going to say something actually interesting.

she didnt.

but yeah.
my heads also kinda messed up. last years kinda catching up with me, and i miss it.
There was a boy, but we'll get to that another day.
Its more of a whole blog in and on itself.

and on south park, kyle just called wendy a bitch and flipped token off after he was all goth and shit.

yeahh.....

i really dont have alot to say today.
maybe tomorow will be better.

+ i have school monday, first day of 2nd semester. ooooooooohhhhhh!!
should be interesting.

but yeah, im gunna skadoodle.
maybe watch porn with sarah, who knows.

byee.

nadda

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 21:27:41 GMT

so im sitting here in my kitchen listening to jack's mannequin.

and my dad's cooking.

sweeeet.

im so bored, and i havent left the house in a couple of days, so now im officially a social retard and a hermit.
yeah, so last night i found out some bad news (that i won't say on here; even though no-one really reads this)
and it made me sad.
there was this boy, but now there isn't anymore because he's a dick. i already knew how he was, but i just keep falling for him.

IT ENDS HERE!!

haha, so yeah. i'm so gay. >.<

but yeah. i say "but yeah" alot.

so aanywayssssss...

im really bored. still.

i watched Ratatouille today, it wasnt that bad, but it lacked alot of imagination.
In real life, they wouldn't let Rats just run around in the kitchen and cook. But of course, at the end everything works out for everyone and life is good.

What did you expect? It IS a Disney movie.
Colby Caillat just came on.
My dad doesnt like her, but i think she's so cute. Her music puts me in a good mood.

For some reason i think that the song 'Bubbly' is about her having an orgasm, like, "it starts in my toes and i crinkle my nose" i dont know, it could be.

i know i promised no rambling and talking about how boring i am, but what can i say! that's what i do best, on the computer AND in real life.
I like this though, i can get all those pesky thoughts out of head without the person i'm talking to either falling asleep of trying to find an emergency exit door in the room.

RIGHT ONN!!

but yeah.
that's all.
i may post again sometime today.
depends if anything exciting happens within the next 5 hours.

sweeeeet.

pce. (L)

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 06:09:37 GMT

x_telegram_x yeah, this is tyler jellison.

he's pretty awsome, and he taught me how to hyperlink.
sweet.
he makes me happy.
but we will meet - one day.

and watch captivity.

and i will just sit and laugh at his witty remarks.
whilst sipping tea and reminiscing* about how we used to have nice webcam conversations while i was watching sleeping beauty.
FUN STUFF!

*tyler helped me spell this - i had difficulty.
p.s - i hope i spelled his last name right :s

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 05:13:25 GMT

life is a prison,
please god let me out,
no-one to listen,
to hear when you shout.

climb the walls of insanity,
ride the waves of despair,
if you fall it wn't matter,
- there's no-one to care

used to wish for a window,
to see birds, trees and sky,
but youre better without one,
stops you aiming too high.

watching freedom is painful,
for those locked away
seeing joy, love & happiness
another price that you pay

Strong is good, weak is bad,
be it false, be it true
your mind makes the choice
and enforces it too

cell walls built by society
with rules to adhere
if you breach the acceptable
you had better beware

hide the pain, carry on
routine is the key
dont let on that you're not
what youre pretending to be

lock it all up
how badly it bodes
look out for that day
when it all just explodes

so how do you grow
with a timebomb inside?
and how do you defuse it,
without destroying it's ride?

yepp

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 17:37:27 GMT

This is my first of hopefully many blogs, but unfortunately i'm sick.
i have a bad chest cold, and it really sucks.
but oh well.

So i decided to start a livejournal because i was bored. i dont think anyone will read this anyways.
I didnt go to school much this week, i probably missed a billion assignments because my teachers are really stupid.
and i've just realised lately that i'm really single. not like, normal single, but REALLY single. so its not fun. hopefully i'll meet someone nice sometime soon.

But yeaaahhhh...
i've been sitting here pretty much all day, and i dont feel like going anywhere. i'm so bored, so i've been filling up my day with crappy day-time television, including some gay cartoon called 'Kappa Mikey', which i am currently watching.

Oh!
So i started reading Alice's Adventures In Wonderland yesterday, and so far so good(i'm only on the 2nd chapter).
I still dont understand what the hell was going on in Lewis Carolls mind when he was writing it, it actually doesnt make sense at all. On the first couple of pages when Alice manages to find her way down the rabbit hole, she starts having conversations with herself while she's falling. I found that kind of sketchy.

i dont know how much i plan on writing about today, so i think i'll end it here. If i dont i'll probably just keep on rambling.

NOTE!:
If someone is actually reading this, i would just like to say that i'll try and post as often as i can, and they wont just be about how boring or sick i am, this is just a start-off thing. aha, so yeah.

BYEEEE!